It’s painful for any parent to see their child feeling excluded or left out by friends or classmates. While some exclusion is an inevitable – though unfortunate – part of growing up, ongoing feelings of isolation can damage a child’s self-esteem and lead to anxiety or depression. As a parent, there are constructive steps you can take to help your child feel included.
Recognise When Your Child Feels Left Out
The first step is noticing when your child seems withdrawn, sad or lonely. Signs may include not getting invited to social events, spending recess alone, or not getting chosen for teams or group work at school. Your child may mention being picked on or teased. Or you might overhear hurtful comments. It’s important not to minimise your child’s feelings. Let them know you understand it feels bad to be left out. Be alert to exclusion happening on social media, too.
Having Supportive Conversations
When your child opens up about feeling left out, don’t leap in too quickly to solve the problem. Listen patiently and avoid giving bad advice like “Just ignore them” or “You’ll make new friends”. Ask them questions to understand what’s happening. Did someone say something unkind? Is there a pattern of not being included? Reassure your child that you’re available to help. Children fostered with agencies like the Foster Care Associates, in particular, who may have a background of trauma or loss, need extra sensitivity. Make it clear that you’re on their side.
Taking Action
Begin by identifying your child’s strengths and interests. Encourage activities like sports, music or art where they can pursue their passions. Help them have playdates or outings with children who share those interests. At school, nicely request that the teacher groups your child with peers they connect with. Monitor social media activity that affects your child. Combat bullying by alerting school staff. With your support, your child can gain confidence and make friends who appreciate them.
Building Your Child’s Confidence
Beyond connecting your child with peers, there are ways you can directly build their confidence at home. Give regular praise for effort and accomplishments, however small. Avoid criticism that could feed into feelings of inadequacy. Teach them to identify and express their emotions in a healthy way. Set a good example by modelling self-compassion and positive self-talk. Build their independence by giving them responsibilities. And remind them of times they demonstrated strength during previous challenges.
Seeking Additional Support
If your child continues to struggle with exclusion despite your efforts, it may be time to seek outside assistance. Speak to your child’s teacher or school counsellor for guidance. Family therapy can help uncover emotional issues contributing to social struggles. For serious bullying or discrimination, contact the relevant authorities. Joining a support group for parents in similar situations provides community. And if exclusion triggers depression or anxiety for your child, consult your GP about referral to a child psychologist or counsellor.
While occasional loneliness is a fact of childhood, ongoing isolation can damage self-worth. By noticing when your child feels excluded, having compassionate talks and taking action to connect them with peers, you can alleviate their hurt and promote healthier relationships. With patience and care, you have the power to help your child feel accepted, included and valued.
